A Message To The Invaders

Oh zits
that sits
upon my brow
in all your
lumpy red glory ~
You forgot
that I'm hot
and not
some teen tot,
but a babe more closer
to forty.

I Will Survive!

I bet you were worried there for a few days during the silence after my physical therapy appointment. You were probably wondering if I made it out alive. Well, I did. Barely. Just kidding - it wasn't too awful. But I was horrified at the sight of a treadmill in the corner and this weight lifting thingy in the middle of the room, and low lying padded tables (what the heck?) at the back wall, and stationary bicycles in front of the windows, and not a TV in sight or music playing in the background. The PTist checked my muscular power, or lack of, and noted my short leg. He confirmed what my chiropractor declared, I have a bum leg - my left is shorter than the right. But other than that, I'm not really weak. He gave me stretches and exercises to do at home (which included the use of a green rubber band thingy) and told me I need to get out and walk. I told him to go get a life. (just kidding.) But he did give me the death sentence in saying I need some kind of aerobic exercise. Oh please - that's what they all say. He didn't send me home with a compassionate pat on the back and advise to take naps and eat donuts, as I was hoping he would after he heard my pathetic story. He told me that I need to come in twice a week for a bit. They are trying to break me - but I will survive!

Yeah That's Right - PHYSICAL THERAPY

It's not fair. The doctor doesn't know anything. He told me I have/had mono. So why is he making me go to physical therapy? Yeah that's right, I'm going to get exercise. Oh curses, the hated word. I'm scheduled for tomorrow at 9am. That's Thursday morning. That's when I should be eating my pop tart and coffee while watching the Today Show. Instead I'll be - hey, what will I be doing? I have a feeling the PTists are going to wonder that too. What's a girl with mono doing at physical therapy? Shouldn't this poor girl be in bed sleeping? That's my thought as well I'll tell them. Maybe they'll just send me home, with a gentle pat on the back, good wishes, coffee & donuts. If not, I'm doomed to PT twice a week for a month. I have a feeling God is getting a good laugh at this. It better work God. Please help my muscles to not feel black and blue anymore.

Avoidance Reason #2 ...

...Pain.

Pain in the heart, pain in the lungs, leg pain, foot pain, neck pain... just pain. Pain Pain Pain Pain Pain. Don't I already have enough? Pain tells me to stop. So why even begin?

I'll Meet You By The Tree

It's late one evening under the yellow glow of the parking lot light and four girls are laughing, some quite obnoxiously (with a few snorts and chortles), enjoying their last moments together for a few weeks. An observer would note the ease and comfort they have with each other & determine that they were friends for some time. If the said observer was an eavesdropping prudish christian, he would be horrified to hear the rawness of such language mixed quite effortlessly with godly spiritual verbage. For these "girls" can't help but spew their mire upon each other all the while hashing out their walk with the Lord. In their minds, to cover up their vulnerability with a beautiful facade would be a breach in friendship - no - a breach in sisterhood. And the whole big purpose of meeting together would fail. How can one grow closer to God if one can't be vulnerable? How can one be changed from the inside when she can't admit she has something that needs to be changed? In this special circle, these sisters have a safe place to expose their shit. Within this circle, the love and compassion of God absorbs through to each one. They are each other's accountability partners. They are each other's cheerleaders and prayer warriors. Threats are made (in good fun), calls are made, emails sent, and prayers prayed.

They are a beautiful mess.

After the laughter dies down and the girls say their goodbyes, one sister calls out to the others, "If I make it to heaven before you all do, I'll meet you by the tree."

You Know When ...

You know you need to change your towel and washcloth when the stink that clings to you after the shower is worse than when you first entered it.

Hope

A beginning
at the edge of the ending.
A new direction
with the risk in the jumping.
A new perspective
from the One who walks along side us.

An awakening
of the one who was always there.
A stirring
of deeply buried desires.
A fire
to be intimate with the Creator.
A need
to use these gifts fulfillingly.

Another New Look

We're not even halfway out of winter yet. Now, I agree with Flamingo, if it wasn't for winter we wouldn't appreciate spring as much. I like having all four seasons. But why does our winters have to last so dang long? I mean, I don't even like March and April because they're just a tease. I consider those two months a waste. And don't argue with me about it - I know the chant ~ April Showers bring May flowers. But I don't have to like it. So, I need to have fun with my blog look. It brings me pleasure. Otherwise I'll be depressed! So bear with the new looks please.

Wishing For Camping Season '09

How many more months till May? Is anybody else willing to skip winter? My body was meant to live down south.

What Is Going On Here?

That's the question I am asking God. Among others. This has been a most unusual year! (I consider my year like a school year - it begins in September. A little odd, I know.) Anyway, God's constantly changing things on me! I can't get a handle on it, nothing is predictable! And I can't rest in the unknown - you know? I think He's doing one thing with me, when suddenly the focus changes. And I think the different focuses are grounded together by a common thread, I just haven't thought about it enough to figure it all out yet. I guess that's not really something I need to do yet. As long as I'm giving myself over to him each time he seemingly changes directions, which is something this stubborn girl has a hard time doing. Anyway, it's hard taking that next step when I'm not completely sure there's anything underneath my feet. A lot of things (leaves or bricks - I'm struggling with that one myself) are up in the air. Financial, health, even my nice orderly days, are being changed up on us, on me. I've put in an application for a job as a teacher's aid. I haven't worked for 10 years! Of course that brings up a bunch of mixed emotions. My health as of late has been in question as well, and I'm not completely convinced that mono is the answer. Jason's work is struggling, especially since the automakers are in major trouble. One new development is my reawakening love of writing, but I don't know what God has in mind with that. Like I said, so many things are up in the air, and I don't know what's going to happen - I hate not knowing what's going to happen! So my last post is just a bunch of questions I have, not claims that I have come to find peace in. Yet. But I am excited. God is definitely working. He is real. And he is very specific in what he's doing. And above all, I know he's good. So I'll try to rest in that. Actually, on second thought, I think I'll ask him for some supernatural power to find rest in him - because I can't find rest and peace on my own power - I've tried.

A New Beginning

Suppose the circumstances of your life led you figuratively to the edge of a high cliff. Before you is void, below you is death, and above you is life. And imagine the circumstances of your life tossed high in the air like a child tosses armfuls of airy leaves over his head into the breeze. All your financial security, health, and comfort has flown out of your hands, out of your control. And you hold your breath. And you wait. Will those cares and concerns glide smoothly and effortlessly through the air? Or will they plummet like heavy bricks to the dark hard earth below? The angst is in the waiting. Our human minds imagine the deep dark fall into obscurity. For our circumstances dictate nothing else. How can bricks fly? But what if it is not so much circumstance that dictate flying or falling? What if it's more about perspective? Perhaps the only difference in soaring high above and plummeting to the depths is the way we view our circumstance? Perhaps the cement bricks are airy leaves all along? And what we thought were weights tied to bring us down were wings given to lift us up? What if the dead end was in fact a new beginning? And the only way to begin was to jump off the cliff and trust our Creator to bring us high?

Just A Little Less Insane

Last Friday, I finally saw a doctor about my "fibermyalgia" type symptoms. He poked & prodded and after I didn't cry out in pain, declared, "It's not fibermyalgia". I'm thinking ~ crap. It was all in my head after all wasn't it? And so I asked him, "Could this have been all in my head?" Then he proceeded to explain that it wasn't, everybody has his own level of pain tolerance. He said that he's going to send me to get some blood work done to rule out viral, autoimmune, hormonal (such as thyroid), and electrolyte issues. I asked him what he would do if they all came back looking good. He told me, (and recall my abhorrence to this), that he'd prescribe physical therapy to to strengthen my muscles. Exercise, in other words. Under the surveillance of a professional. "oh God," I pleaded, "let this be lupus, or perhaps a thyroid issue! Anything (except cancer), but weak muscles that need to be exercised!" We scheduled an appointment in two weeks, with the understandment that if a test result came back which needed our immediate attention, he'd call.

Due to the big blizzard on Saturday which left us housebound (I'm being sarcastic Indiana Sista, we didn't have even a snowflake), I got my blood work done yesterday (Monday). I'm surprised I had any blood left after they were done with me! This evening I got a call from a nurse from my doctor's office with the test results. I have been so giddy and happy ever since!!! I tell you, I haven't gotten this good a news in a long time!!! Apparently, I have MONO!!! Yes, you read right dear reader, I have the "kissing disease"! You may ask "well, how did you get that?" And I'd have to be honest and say, "I have no idea!" But I've had it for a while! So not only am I not some weak, puny, little girl ~ I'm a roaring super woman! I didn't even know I had mono! I went about my day thinking all was somewhat normal, participating in everyday activities without complaining or dying of fatigue! Who do you know that has mono that can claim that? I am awesome! Unfortunately, my hubby is worried about him and the kids. He's thinking I have a secret boyfriend & wondering if he has mono too. I wish I knew myself! But I can tell you this, I haven't been kissing any alien mouth. Just family. Always family. Maybe it's from the time I sat on a public toilet seat without any protective covering? Don't be judgemental, it takes too much energy to squat for that long ~ especially if one has mono!

Anyway, onward with my anti-exercise posting. For a while there I was praying for Lupus, but Mono will do just as well!

Reason #3 for avoiding exercise:


Inadvertently Acquiring A Stalker

Look, this could really happen. It almost happened to my hubby. But it turned out to be a harmless, somewhat senile, overly enthusiastic & friendly old man at the gym. But why risk it?

I Thought He Said Exfoliation, But What He Really Said Was...

...Excavation.





Oh.



So Isaiah 43:19 is a promise I believe the Lord gave me. Only I hoped it would be more of a spa-like experience. A little deep tissue massaging, some exfoliating, perhaps some heat therapy. But then I saw Him get out His front loader & I heard the telltale sound of beep beep beep as the monster maneuvered into position. Apparently to get those "rivers in the wastelands" he must first dig a deep path. And He doesn't tell you when He's taking a turn. Sometimes it seems like He kind of pretends to go in one direction only to look back over His shoulder at me and wink before He turns in another, all-together different pathway. I can't say I really like this about Him. It's not that comfortable for me. In fact, sometimes it's downright painful. And I want to stomp my foot and say, "Enough already! Go pick on somebody else!" Like He's some pesky nat getting tangled in my nose hair. What I fail to realize, until He has to make it obvious to me, is that the only reason it is painful to me is because the ground He's working with is too hard. He really wants to use His hands, but instead He has to haul out the heavy equipment! When am I going to learn to be more pliable? Well, He's certainly giving me some opportunities to practice!

Ice Storm

The ice that formed this morning on the branches of the trees surrounding our house is now being assaulted by the wind that blows through and around all the corners and spaces. The ice slams into our siding & splinters in all directions. I hear the wind in the background as the ice smashes against the roof. The trees sway their branches in an appeal to their Creator. Something is amiss. A new reality is about to be born. A change is in the wind. Natures groans with this awareness, but do we perceive it as well? How will we survive? (Or maybe we aren't meant to.) Will we choose to love the other? Or will our stubbornness prevail? Where is God in all the mess? Where is His divine intervention? Why does it seem his hand is still when all around us Satan caresses? But who am I who writes? Who am I to judge? Where was I when God formed the earth? Where was I when God died? Where was I when He won our souls and where was I when He took his throne? Who am I to fear this age when in ages past they feared the same? We have His promise. We have His seal. I am His beloved, His betrothed. And we will prevail.

Ice Storm

I took the monkeys to school today, after a wonderful two hour delay. I ended up staying in little miss' class to help out with kid-writing. After I got home with her, I called hubby to update him on the day's events. He was relieved to hear from me. He tried calling while I was away & because I didn't pick up the phone, he thought I was knocked out after slipping on the ice somewhere! In my world, this is a very real possiblitiy. Ice and me don't mix.

Reason #14 for avoiding exercise:

Exercise Clothes

Need I write more? Okay, one word then: Thongs. Well, sometimes you need to wair a thong. At least that's what I've been told by someone who is in the "know." And I don't know - that's for sure. And why do I want to have a uni boob? And how tight do the clothes really need to be? And who has money for the new exercise wardrobe? I'd need to get socks, thongs, a dumb sports bra, spandex, and something to keep the sweat out of my eyes. Which brings us to ~

Reason #5:

Ineffective Eyebrows

I hate to admit this, but my eyebrows are too sparse. The sweat just drips through & burns my eyes. It's more than a nuisance, it's a liability. I could really get hurt if I loose vision & focus.

Funky Photos

Just Me

You are God, but I am me.
You are God, though I want to be.
You mastermind the workings of the universe.
I stupidly try to interfere.
You count down the months till the doe gives birth,
I hold out to you my self destruction.
You smile and say "give it here."
Then, because you can't fix it fast enough,
I grab it back and hold on tight.
Maybe this time God, it's too much.
You smile and say,
"Try as you might, you won't get it right.
I give orders to the morning,
I show the dawn it's place.
By my command the eagle takes off soaring
and finds a safe place to rest at night.
I've counted every hair on your head,
Your name is engraved upon my palms.
But you choose to trust yourself instead."

And after I'm exhausted and my anger has subsided,
after my self loathing and the nagging and the chiding,
I realize that you are God. And I am just me.

Dear Lord, you patiently wait for me. You are always there, loving me in the midst of my stubbornness. You see the creation you formed & are forming and you are delighted. Even before I fall before you. You are delighted. Even while I push you aside. You are delighted. Even while I curse my circumstance, you are delighted. And you wait. And you wait. And you love. And you guide me back to you. And enfold me in you arms, under the safety of your wings. Where I should have been all along.

Hallelujah!

The kids are going back to school in 2 days & a wake up! Hallelujah, Hallelujah! Can I get an Amen Sista?

No New Year's Resolution For Me

I don't make New Year's Resolutions. I just don't want to disappoint myself. Perhaps some of you have made a resolution to exercise more. I think that's just ridiculous, and I'll list a few reason's why here and there in different quick posts throughout the next several months.

Reason #1 of why you shouldn't exercise:

It could kill you.

Just think about that for a little bit. Is it really worth the risk?