Impatience

This is what happens when I have a couple unexpected days off from work: I work on my new blog, become too excited about it, and shift you over to it before you even get the chance to know that I've been thinking about starting a new blog and letting this one sit idle.

The one doctor that I work for is going to a conferance in Florida, so the office would actually be overstaffed if I was to work. That means I was able to have off yesterday and today, I naturally have Fridays off. So in 2 weeks, I'll have only worked 2 days! Not good for the savings, but good for my mind - I just hope that when I finally do go back to work, I'll not be totally useless. I tend to easily forget things. God has given me a couple of nice days too - weather wise. The kids and I met my mom to buy a gift for my nephew, whose birthday party is on Saturday. This is an exciting time for us. My brother and his family have moved to Maryland from Indiana! This birthday party will be the first birthday party we have been able to attend. After we got his gift, the kids and I went to Target to get Ethan's school supplies. Tonight is Back To School Night, an open house where we'll get to meet the kids teachers and stroll through their rooms. I'm looking forward to it, even if the kids aren't!

Having these couple of days off makes me wish even more for a schedule less in hours. Working 3 days a week would be perfect. I'm dreaming about it right now friends! Maybe I'll start to pray for that. We'll see what the Lord says.

So, the unveiling of my new blog! Click HERE or rambler girl to start reading from the rantings and ramblings new site! I'll see ya over there! (and just to make it clear, this blog site will still stick around - I just won't be posting here anymore).

Up Coming!

I'm working on it friends! I'm so excited - I've decided to lead you over to my new blog in September - and don't worry, I'll leave this blog here for you to find the link to the new blog.

It's lookin' good.

Impossible

"When God wants to do an impossible task, He takes an impossible individual---and crushes him."

~ author unknown

This quote makes me pause and wonder, could it be true? Does God work that way?

Why?

An impossible task. An impossible individual.

Pain.

And God.

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I guess it’s hard to find perfect help these days, post Eden and sin. Let’s face it, we’ve got issues.

I’ve found myself using that word a lot - "issues". It’s a simple word that sums up all the crap that happens to us, all the crap that we create, and the sinful nature that’s been passed down to us from generation to generation.

Should I list my impossible ways? Nah. Not today. But I would have to admit to being one of those impossible individuals. And I would venture to guess that you are too. In fact, I’d like to meet that person who isn’t impossible. I bet you there’s only one. And He’s residing in heaven these days.

What is it that you feel God’s given you - what impossible task? How do you view it? As a burden, as a gift? Or something in between?

God’s given me a difficult boss in a dysfunctional office with a bunch of wonderful co-workers. I’m an impossible person (I can’t even draw up a syringe without shaking!), learning waaay too much, (my brain cannot possibly hold all the information), who cannot seem to please the one I’m assisting because I tend to be a bumbling idiot (and no, I’m not being hard on myself!). It can be quite comical if I had the right perspective! But my impossibility begins with being a tight fisted, fearful, control freak. Which would be great if my type A personality could live up to those perfectionistic expectations. But my type B personality interferes with type A, and my natural stupidity which is probably a type i personality (i for idiot), wins out.

I’m a screwed up, multi-personality, deep down impossible person who has no idea what’s she’s doing in this impossible task that the Lord has given her - this gift. Or as my mentor would tell me, this invitation. (yes, I am learning something!)

Here’s a fun song by Flight of the Conchords, who sing, fittingly, about issues. And if you don't think this is very funny, don't worry. My husband doesn't share my humor either.

Theologians and Scientists

I watched the show, Wormhole, on the Discovery Channel this evening. It put me in a bad mood that I swore at the beginning of the show I wouldn't succumb to. I was even cold and distant to my husband - the usual scapegoat for my attitude when driven to sour mindedness. Pour guy.

So here's my response (using the words of one of their own) to the wackos I watched this evening. It's taken from an old thesis I wrote my senior year in high school. Robert Jastrow was an astrophysicist and agnostic. He wrote a book called, "God and the Astronomer." The following quote is from him.

"For the scientist who has lived by his faith in the power of reason, the story ends like a bad dream. He has scaled the mountains of ignorance; he is about to conquer the highest peak; as he pulls himself over the final rock, he is greeted by a band of theologians who have been sitting there for centuries."

A Laugh Gift For You

Here's something to cheer you up on Monday. Enjoy!

Time Flies …

 

… when having fun.

Sigh.

Depression always hits me as we drive away from vacation, especially beach vacations.  We had a wonderful time, and who knows when we’ll be able to return? 

We arrived in Chincoteague on Monday afternoon – after a week of work which was torturously slow and a 4 hr. trip which crawled at a snail’s pace.  Our realty company forgot about us, so they were late in giving us the house keys.  But, eventually, we were able to get to the beach for a few hours that day.  We ate supper around 8pm that night! 

 

Rain prevented us from getting into the ocean for only one day, which we utilized for shopping.  I was so surprised at how well the kids did in the water – they learned to boogie board and on the last day they even learned to body surf!  Ethan spent hours skim boarding while Noel spent the days in the water – only coming out to eat every now & then.  Gone are the days when they need their mommy and daddy right there beside them holding onto their hands or holding them on our hips!  I was not anticipating this level of independence and was greatly impressed! 

  Check out some of my beach pictures – a couple of them are taken from the town park where Dan showed Ethan how to go crabbing. 

 

They actually caught one in the small amount of time we allotted for it.  Across the waterway from the park is a picture of Tom’s Cove campground which is where Dan & I and our family spent the beach week growing up.  The red building is the game room.   The main pier is out in front of the building which is where we would hang out when we were not at the beach. 

 

Thanks goes to my sis-in-law, Gretchen, for showing me Window’s Live Writer.  I love this program!  There is too much my computer can do that I have no idea about – what else can I learn?

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s time now to take care of feet.  And actually, I’m not too stressed out about that.  I’m curious to see how my patients are making out – we see some weekly.  I also have a bone to pick with a co-worker.  She cursed us with a prediction of proliferate mosquitoes.  Let’s just say we met the Chincoteague air force and donated our blood to the cause.

The Divine Embrace

Yesterday was a tough day. Grief is a sneaky emotion sometimes. There might not ever be a rhyme or reason why one moment is particularly tougher than the next, or one day more painful than the others.


My thoughts were on my sister-in-law, my friend Michelle. She passed away last year in a motorcycle accident. Her birthday was a couple days ago. But she will forever be 29.


I do my best thinking while I'm driving (or at night when I'm supposed to be sleeping), and I had to make a couple trips yesterday. While I was driving I realized, to a much more deeper degree than ever before, how much God can't wait to bring us to himself, that he can't wait to hold us in his arms, that he's been waiting for all eternity to fulfill that purpose. He rejoices when he brings us home. It's when our relationship with him becomes complete & perfect. Like how it was supposed to be before the Fall - before sin separated us and destroyed our intimacy with our Creator. I imagined, while driving yesterday, wrapping my arms around Jesus' waist while he wraps his arms around my shoulders. My face turned against his chest.



Finally.

Home.


All the wrestling? Done. The Race? Over. The battles - won. Weariness evaporates in his arms as peace overflows. Pain has been replaced with deep joy and contentment.

Tears spring from my eyes - not from sorrow but from gratitude that he should call me to himself.

He has been waiting for this moment for all time. He welcomes me home.


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That is what I pictured. God was telling me that death is the gateway to his arms which he holds out to us. And he rejoices when a saint passes through this gate.







Psalm 116:15 "Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints."







Hearing that verse last November at the funeral of my Grandma was shocking and hard to consider. How can death be precious to the Lord when it is so painful to me?

I tend to forget his perspective is complete and all-encompassing. And I dwell in my emotions a little too long sometimes. I forget that our lives are hardly a speck in time and that it won't be long before we're all together at the wedding feast.


Most days my mind is firmly planted in the here and now, this earthly life. But there are some moments when I just can't wait to be there. Within his embrace.




Home.

Chincoteague

That's me and my little brother - an no, he's not half Mexican. Those were the days when we, among our aunts, grandparents, & cousins, all camped at Tom's Cove campground in Chincoteague, VA. Our cousins and aunts would travel in with their pop-ups from Ohio and Indiana, meet us at the Church on Capehorn Rd., and travel down rt.74, going the "back way" to the shore, because according to my grandpa, the back way was the quickest. We traveled in a caravan, all our pop-ups, trucks, & us in our long obnoxious station wagon, and we'd have a blast just in the journey to Chincoteague. I remember 2 of my cousins sticking one arm out each side of the car and flapping - they made the car look like it was a bird flying. We'd all roll down the windows as we drove across the land bridge to Chincoteague, sticking out our hands to feel the sticky salty air and breathing it in.

Once we got to Tom's Cove, we set up camp - about the same spot each year. We loved crabbing off the piers and playing in the game house. A Mr. Whippy icecream truck would travel through the campground in the evenings. We'd make most of our meals, all except for when we went to Famous Pizza for pizza. It takes about 15 minutes to travel over to Assateague to the beach - a torturous drive. Assateague is a wildlife refuge and the speed limit is 25 mph at the most - and please don't run over the endangered delmarvian squirrel (that thing is a monster). After 6 hours of sand build-up in dark and unseen places, the 15 minute drive "home" is excruciating. And heaven forbid if one of the aunts wants to drive around the wildlife loop on the way - add another 15 minutes. It doesn't matter if the bathhouse is gross and dirty, as long as you can dump out the 5 pounds of sand hidden in your bathing suite - it's the best place on earth. Once you're clean, you drench yourself in deet. I read a t-shirt once that had a picture of a mosquito on it and said "Chincoteague's Airforce". It's so true. We counted my brother's mosquito bites one time on the way back to PA one year - he had well over 50 bites. They take crop duster planes and spray the air over Chincoteague with bug spray. They also travel in trucks spraying the stuff.

My favorite bird is the sea gull. Why? Because with it's call, it takes me to the shore. I love their sound. We were awakened by the sound of sea gulls in the mornings. They love the trash bags waiting for the truck.

Chincoteague has only one fast food restaurant - McDonald's. Although, I think they allowed Subway to set up shop now. Famous Pizza now has competition with Ledo's Pizza. There are plenty of dollar stores on the island, and many cute shops, including a pottery/coffee house where I plan on taking Noel for coffee and hot chocolate one morning next week. It's my favorite little shop on the island. Across the sound is Wallop's Island where NASA sends up satellites - it sounds like an earthquake when one of those things goes up. (I can't imagine what the shuttle must sound like) Chincoteague is where they make the ponys swim across the sound and then they auction them off. We always avoid pony penning week - it's crazy crowded.

Imagine my delight when Jason's family decided to make Chincoteague a family vacation every other year? Instead of camping, we rent 2 houses side by side. Staying in a house is much nicer than camping - I have to admit. There are some things, however, that just can't be beat at Tom's Cove - how I miss it!

Chincoteague is where my brothers' love for surfing and my love for the ocean was born. Chincoteague is where we would spend some of the best times with aunts, grandparents, and cousins. Where my grandpa would fish. Where we ate the best ice cream. Where my little brother and I almost ran into a giant red jellyfish while floating on our tiny Chincoteague raft (we barely made it ashore alive!). Chincoteague is where I saw my first spider crab.

Don't you just love traditions?

Super Sunny Summer Sundays

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It has been tradition since Noel and Coleton were babies that we spend Sundays at Jason’s sister’s house.  The cousins swim and jump on the trampoline all day while the adults swim and catch up on each other’s lives.

Next week, (7 days and a wake-up to be exact), Jason, I, the kids, and my brother Dan are headed to Chincoteague for 5 nights!  It has been a couple of years since we’ve been to the ocean and we miss it.  Chincoteague is a tradition since childhood days and to miss even one year is hard. 

So bring the week on – let’s get this one over with!  I can’t wait to feast my eyes on the shore and stick my hands out the car window to feel the sticky salty air.

I Want Your Vote!

I wrote this "almost post" sometime within the past two years - but I never posted it. I just found it in my notebook (actual paper, spiral bound notebook) this evening and thought, "hmmm, how appropriate, I forgot I wrote this - I should post this, it goes with what I've just written".

So, here it is, except I'll shape it up a bit better because I like my posts to be well edited (snort snort).

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Tonight my hubby and I rented a movie from Redbox (march is free movie Wednesdays). Hubby told me I could pick the movie (don't be too surprised - it wasn't too big of a risk for him. He made me pick from the comedy genre.) It was slim pickins to be sure, but I found one I thought I could make it through without feeling the need to also read a book during it. Which is a good thing due to my temporary book banishment. I chose Swing Vote. No death, drugs, depression - well, maybe just a teenie bit. It was slightly boring and in the beginning I thought, "I'm not even going to be able to pull out any spiritual applications from this!" But i kept watching, and something about the movie made me feel uneasy.

The movie, for those who chose not to see it, (you're not missing much) is about a man who, quite remarkably, has the responsibility of choosing the next president of the United States. It all came down to his vote, which he had yet to cast. So these two candidates woo him and make promises to him and even turn from their convictions to match this man's. They create an atmosphere around him that entices, making him feel at home. His concerns are their concerns, his interest are their interests. All, only to get his vote.

And here's where the spiritual application comes in. Here's the reason I'm so uneasy. What if we Christians, what if I, am trying to change my persona, my convictions, in order to not only win the "vote" of others, but of God? Am I trying to prove that I'm "right?" Why?

I read a book my Sista D lent me not too long ago. It's called, Searching For God Knows What by Donald Miller. In this book, Miller describes the lifeboat theory. He says we act like we're all in a lifeboat together, except it's getting too full and we feel we must throw someone overboard in order for the boat to stay afloat. We think it would make most sense for us to throw the most worthless person overboard. So we are all trying to prove to each other how valuable we are - what do we have to offer to those around us? Don't throw me overboard, I'm a doctor! I'm worthy because I've got an MBA, I'm a professional, and I run my home smoothly and lovingly with happy children and content husband. I'm the proverbs 31 wife. I'm a PK, MK, and POW!

I've got my own reasons why I shouldn't be kicked out - you've got yours.

And I guess this movie kind of reminded me that God can't be won. That God is above all that. That if you're Catholic, Pentecostal, Brethren, Emergent, Independent, Democrat, Republican ... it really doesn't matter.

I used to ask my dad, "what does that church believe?" as we'd drive by them when I was a kid. It interested me what the differences were. And I'd feel sorry for them for not getting it right. I'd try to convince my Catholic friends that you don't need to confess to a priest - cause that's what Jesus was for. I'd get so frustrated! (Who do those priests think they are?) A handful of years back a dear friend broke it to me that we weren't getting actual mansions in heaven - that verse in the bible wasn't meant to be taken literal. I was heartbroken! (I don't believe her though). Of course we are getting mansions in heaven - haven't I been giving God updated blueprints every few years? And don't get me started on Creation! If I get up to heaven and God tells me everything was made in billions and trillions of years - let's just say there will be tears in heaven! I'll be so disappointed! And then I'll look over at my dear friend P and she'll shrug her shoulders as if to say, "I told you it could be a possibility!"

That's one of the things I love about my church. There are people of all backgrounds and beliefs. We've got our Lutherans & Methodists, our Catholics and I even hear we have a Jew! I'm sure we have unbelievers too. Maybe even some atheists.

And I must admit it has been kind of challenging to me at times. the Lord's humbled me more than once. I've just got to learn to hold those 5 foundations of the Christian faith close, and be able to say of all the other things, "this is what I believe to be true - but someday I may feel differently". I won't be kicked out of the boat. Because Donald Miller says that Jesus says there is no boat to begin with.

Jesus and Donald Miller are right - there is no boat. So there is no vote.

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That's it for tonight - it's past 11pm again. This topic has a tendency to flow into others. So in true rambling fashion, I just might follow a few in the next few posts.

Update On Rambler Girl

I'm disapointed in her blog. She has 1 post from over a year ago. She took my blog address for only 1 post. I wonder if she stuck it out with the 4th college transfer? What a cliff-hanger!

New Blog Title/New Address

I have been wanting to do this for a while now, just haven't taken the time to figure out how to do it, which really wasn't that hard to figure out it turns out.

Yes, I'm finally going to change that very long blog address and title! But now I'm a little sad about it - I feel like I'm leaving behind a good friend!

I thought I'd better warn you - and for all my friends who are taking a summer blogging break, I hope you get this message.

My new name will be "Rambler Girl". There is a song by Eileen Jewel (folk/swing/bluesy/hint of old rock-n-roll) with the phrase Rambler Girl - it's my theme song (I know, I have so many).

The new blog address will be 1ramblergirl.blogspot.com (as long as it's not taken by then) - can you believe somebody else had ramblergirl.blogspot.com? That's where I'm headed to next. See what kind of girl this girl is.

So I'll make the appropriate changes at the end of the month. Unless it's going to be a pain in the butt for everyone to find it - but it's not like I have very many readers to lose. But if you're worried, email me (you can find my email up above), and leave me your email address and I'll leave you my new address when I get rid of my old address. Okay.

What's Your Reaction?

Reacting to Anne Rice.

The above is a link to Jon Acuff's post on Anne Rice's statesments about being (or not being) called a christain and belonging to the group. I found it very interesting - especially the comments. Thought I'd pass it on to you and maybe get your reaction to it. This kind of goes along with my last post. I really need to write more on that someday:)

Duty Faith

I've got a few pet peeves - turn signal turned on when you aren't turning, stupid questions (because no matter what that teacher said, there is too such a thing as a stupid question), people who have too many pet peeves, children, cornhole & exercise in general, (did I just write children?) ...

My biggest pet peeve are people who portray a perfect package - they've got it all together, they're kind, good, well disciplined, read their bible everyday, go on missions trips, and have never questioned their faith. I especially can't stand mothers of perfect children. Plu-ease.

At least that's what they want everyone to believe about them.

You want to know what draws me to people? People who have more than one dimension to them. People who don't have all the answers and don't need to. People who have experienced hard times and struggled, who wrestled with God yet lived to tell about it. People who are joyous, not just happy.

Do I dare write further? I'm passionate about this subject - but I'm fearful I'll be a hypocrite if I write down the thoughts that I think.

Because I know exactly how to put that good christian mask on. I've worn it well, and it's still my default mode in certain situations. I've been a kid of a pastor, and so there is a certain pressure to preform as one should as a PK. And in a church era of following God out of duty, performance was key.

Ouch. I can hear some of you cringe. (Some of you are just wondering what I'm talking about - "where is she going with this?")

A couple years ago (I can't believe it's been that long!), my dad and I talked about the Church. He told me that throughout it's history, the church has swung from one extreme to the other. Growing up, phrases like "experiencing God's love," or even just "experiencing", was a big no-no. Emotion in faith was to be limited. You can't base your faith on emotion (emotions come and go), and experiencing God was just too charismatic (I'm brethren). I used to pity anybody who were guest musicians at our church - we never clapped for them.

Anyway, (where am I going with this?), I think the pendulum is swinging towards the other side now. Experiencing God's love, experiencing all of God and your faith, is now starting to be encouraged at the pulpit. And not just at the charismatic churches!

Why can't we just stay in the middle? Why does the pendulum have to swing at all?

The benefit of duty faith is that it can easily be measured. By all. The problem of duty faith is that it can deceive you - like it did me. I became arrogant, thinking I knew just about all I could learn about God and the bible. (oh my goodness - did I just admit that?) And didn't my talk and walk just prove that Sunday after Wednesday after Sunday all the days of my life? Surely there is a special placed marked out in heaven for the pastor's sweet daughter who plays classical guitar during special music? (I beat out the kid who played the organ - oh yes I did!)

I don't want to diminish the importance of duty, of work. The bible talks a lot about work (I looked the word up in a concordance), that faith without works is dead (James 2:17). And of course, it would be a scary thing to base my faith and walk with the Lord on only emotion (I'm not sista insane for nothing!).

For me, duty faith was easy. It was predictable. It was in my control. I was doing all the right things. I proved to God and everyone else that I was worth saving.

I held God to the side, locked him up and and desired that he not grow any bigger then the box I put him in. He was much more manageable there. And life was too.

Until.

Until I got married and life took on more dimension. It wasn't all about me. And I realized that nothing is in my control. But that's a lesson he continues to teach me time and time again, and I've even given him a bigger a box! Each struggle we come through, God and I, his box grows bigger and bigger.

The fact is, we're fooling ourselves. And in fooling ourselves we hold God at a distance.

And that's my pet peeve - clinging onto the damn mask instead of onto God.

I'm not done writing on this subject (unless I get a lot of hate mail by good christain masked people). It's already 11pm and I've got to go to work tomorrow. I need my pillow time. I'll continue when the mood strikes again.

(I can't believe I don't own one of their CD's by now - it's a sad thing really. Jack Johnson won out this past purchasing time).