A Little Of My Story - It's My Blog I'll & Write What I Want To

It's been about five months now since I've published my 1st post. And not once have I written a little ESS history, except for bits and pieces here and there when in rambling mode. And because I have such a large fan base (again, drip this with sarcasm), not all of you know my history and what I'm all about. (Okay, for my 5 readers, I give you permission to sign off my blog now - I don't want to bore you with details you already know and perhaps even gone through with me). Since my readership is low anyway, I figure I can gamble readership and entertain myself with some reminiscing - and I also want to claim that I AM NOT aligned with the emergent church. (yeah, I'm aware that last part came out of nowhere and you are now confused - but did I stir a little interest?) Onward -

It was a cold windy day in October when my Nana gave birth to my father ...

... okay, I won't go back that far. I will say that I have always counted myself as being very fortunate to not only being born in the U.S., but also to have the parents I have. What are the chances of me being born in such a wonderful country, to bible-believing, loving parents who not only taught me the things of the bible but also that I can have a relationship with the God who created everything? God could have formed me in the womb of some African woman living in a tribe somewhere lonely. God could not have made me at all - have you ever wondered that? I mean, not of me, but of you. Anyway, my childhood was good. I grew up with three awesome brothers. I learned to fight, to be adventurous, to hide, to laugh at and with, to make new friends (I was the new kid in elementary school 4 times), and I learned that family reaches beyond the immediate. I grew up in a church that believed that everything in the bible is true and to stray from that truth would be a scary thing. And I loved learning bible things - I didn't care so much about academic things but let me learn about the stories and people in the bible and I was one happy kid. I was also very observant of everyone around me - I learned a lot from the examples of others, from their triumphs to their mistakes - I took it all in. I can't say I'm that observant about the physical - if someone would suddenly gain or loose 15 pounds I wouldn't know it. If someone changed their eye color I wouldn't notice. If someone was turning blue I wouldn't think anything was wrong until he fell over dead (kinda makes you glad I never made it through nursing school doesn't it? Thank God for that one friends.) I drank in this kind of information - the bible and how people did life.

After awhile the verbage I was hearing became rhetoric. I became desensitized. Jesus loved me yeah yeah. I'm saved by grace - that's nice. It's not just a religion it's a relationship. I came to believe that I knew pretty much all a person can know about God. Yeah, I was very arrogant and prideful! And soon my relationship with God became one that was out of duty and love had little to do with it.

This might sound odd, but I always identified with the pharisees. Here they were, living the way they thought God wanted them to, dedicating their lives to Him, foregoing the easy life, and Jesus comes along and yells at them, wages war against them. He and I still have some issues to work through - He's said some hard things. I really have identified with the good son, the brother to the prodigal son. And I have identified with the 99 sheep that stayed where they were supposed to only to have their protector leave & put them in harm's way to find some selfish bad lamb who got lost because he just wanted to have a little fun.

I identified with those, but I desperately wanted to identify with the prodigal son, the bad lamb, and those who received Jesus' love and compassion. But during the time I followed Him out of duty, I was blind to the fact that I had stopped walking with Him. I was ignorant of how prideful and arrogant I was, and I certainly did not realize how very little I knew of Him.

Then I got married. And shortly thereafter I got pregnant. And my health did some funny things over the next few years. I had a miscarriage which made me question God for the 1st time in a long time. It made me revisit the very basic truths of the bible, only going deeper. And I had to decide if I would walk with Him or hate Him. I chose Him and have never felt before that sad time such deep strong consuming love being poured out over me. I have ended up seeing doctors that oddly enough, only the old people go see! I really mean it - I have waited in several different offices and most of the other patients were old! And it was because God allowed me to have some interesting health issues! Even at physical therapy - I'm in with the old people! (which I love by the way - the old people, not PT you goof!)

During this time God introduced me to Sista Wild Child. And she asked me if I wanted to be part of a bible study with her. This bible study morphed into what is now 4 sistas doing life together and pursuing God, wrestling God, and worshipping God with each other's encouragement and accountability. They have made me read some intense books. They are sooo smart and knowledgeable about bible stuff - I was put to shame! I started to realize how very little I knew. And I also realized how debilitating information can be when it's not made it's way to the heart.

In short, God has pursued me and intentionally set my world upside down. He has left the 99 to find me. He has wrapped his protective wings around me. He has cried over me. And rejoiced over me. And because of this, because He has gone to such great lengths to bring me to Himself, I am falling in love with Him.