A Place By Me

Exodus 33:21-23



God said,



"Look, here is a place right beside me. Put yourself on this rock. When my Glory passes by, I'll put you in the cleft of the rock and cover you with my hand until I've passed by. Then I'll take my hand away and you'll see my back. But you won't see my face."



"Here is a place beside me."



"A place beside me."



But I must look. And then place myself there.



A wise friend asked me what it was that God might be inviting me to - during this anxiety-ridden time of my life.

And then I thought about what Leslie wrote in the comments about seeing God do the work. That I might be trying to take over what he's been wanting to do.

In trying to survive - could I be getting in the way? Sometimes it's so easy to forget about God. I can't see Him. I can't feel His physical presence. I don't hear Him talking. Not when I most need Him to be the hero, during my work day.

I was talking to Sista Wild Child tonight on the phone. She said she wishes she could hire herself out to people as a personal cheerleader. Boy, would I absolutely LOVE to have her beside me, cheering me on! "Way to go Em! You opened the Una Boot wrapper without any trouble this time!" I can just picture our days together - what a blast!

I'm not saying God wants to be my personal cheerleader, well - that's not all He wants to be. But I'm thinking He wants me to understand that He knows how to do my job. He knows how to do the doctor's job. After all, He is The Great Physician.

So what is He inviting me to?

To a place beside Him. To see Him. To experience Him. He is God. And I am not. I don't need to be in control. I may be inadequate, but He isn't. He wants me to witness Him in action. I think He wants to show off for me. I could be wrong - but maybe not.

Last year He just sat on the opposite side of the couch from me, waiting for me to stop wrestling with Him to find rest in Him. I desperately wanted Him to miraculously pull me out of the pit that I was in. I desperately wanted Him to give me answers. I desperately wanted to feel His strength and presence. But all he did was look over at me, saying nothing for the most part.

It was only after I decided that I didn't need the answers to all my questions that I could find rest in Him. And it was only after I returned to the one truth I knew I could always count on that I could finally experience it. God loves me.

And He wants to be my hero.

I wear a purple purl ring to work everyday now. Jason gave me the ring one year for Christmas. I wear it to remind myself that God is right there beside me, and sometimes, as my wise friend told me, He's wrapping His arms around me as I draw up syringes, or handing the doctor his instruments. Just like a lover would wrap his arms around his love to teach her the proper technique in swinging a golf club. That's my visual. And I wear my purple ring to remind me. Because I can so easily forget in the heat of the moment.

Oh this is going to be a long lesson learned my friends! I'm going to have many ups and downs with it. And guess what? You'll be reading about some of them.