Waiting For The Streams

I started reading the 1st couple of entries in my spiritual jounal (from about 2 years ago) & realized that nothing much has changed. The issues that plagued me then are still plaguing me now, and I'm not sure I've grown any at all. All I can claim with confidence is that I've experienced God's love in personal, close ways & that my love for him has deepened in such a way that I can say I'm "falling in love" with him. Which is an answer to an old prayer. But I haven't overcome the same old issues. They're still here. I'm still failing. I'm still struggling. I haven't seen much improvement within my character. I'm still struggling with anger. I still can't seem to love the way I really want to. In a previous post somewhere I wrote that I now realize how crucial it was for me to step out of any kind of service & ministry. To stay home & focus on the family. This was a very tough decision to make last year beause I loved leading a growth group, loved studying & discussing stuff with other women, and I felt like I was good at what I was doing. Now I'm home. And I'm not good at what I'm doing. From deep cleaning to loving with mercy & compassion, it's a big mess! I thought I'd focus on outreaching the women at the kid's school - God's slowly shaking his head with a smile on his face. Not yet. Not yet. You've got work to do at home.



Isaiah 43:18 &19 (from the Message)


"Forget about what's happened;
don't keep going over old history.
Be alert, be present. I'm about to do
something brand-new.
It's bursting out! Don't you see it?
There it is! I'm making a road through the
desert,
rivers in the badlands."


So that's what I'm expecting God to do. That's what I'm waiting for. Rivers in the badlands, streams in the desert. An Eden out of the wasteland. So I'm going to stay home (Lord, don't make me get a job!) & focus on that. Being alert & present. Because Satan is in the guilt that paralizes. And God's got bigger things for me.