Stiff Necked & Stubborn

I am beginning to realize that when I don't get my quiet time in with the Lord, not only do I miss out on any peace & rest he has to offer, and I get more agitated more easily, and I hold on to my need to control more tightly, but I also can't write! My mind becomes almost numb, I lose any kind of creative motivation, I become lazy, negative talk invades more easily, and it's easier to read what other people write than to just plain write myself. I almost posted a funny piece on flushing my money down the drain, literally. Who can claim that they flushed money down the toilet? I was even going to post a picture of the toilet (I'd clean it 1st), but then I thought that would kind of ruin my attempt at prettying up my blog with those Christmas pictures. It was a funny story though.

But today I finally bowed my head before my Maker & continued to read in Acts. Auggghhh. I should have skipped to the next chapter. In the part that I was reading, the newly established Church was selling their personal property (like land & homes & stuff), and giving the money to those who needed it. They felt no entitlement, no connection to their money & assets. They gave so freely & joyfully. This hit home hard. I am so far from that attitude right now! And isn't that really really bad due to the time of year that we're in? And I'm actually trying to teach my kids to be giving! I'm telling them that there are kids who don't have much, that we are so fortunate in what we have. I have been so frustrated with their attitude lately. And all along my Maker is looking lovingly at me, waiting for me to wake up & realize that my attitude is the same - I'm giving them no example! How can I expect them to give with a joyful spirit when they don't see me doing that? They are just little kids who live in their very small worlds where they don't see other people needing things, struggling to survive. I don't have the same excuse. So yes Lord, I see your point. And to tell you the truth, I'm struggling to do right here. It's my money, I need it! Okay, I'll give just a little. But 1st I need to get some clothes - I need clothes Lord!

See what He's working with here folks? Lord, I think you need to move on to a new lesson. This one's too tough. Can't you change my hubby in this area 1st? It'd be much easier for me. And that's what it's all about right? Me?

Thanks for being my spiritual journal today friends. I needed to get that out - now I can go pick up Noel & shop using our Christmas money. I don't want to hear it Lord! I'll throw some money in the pot this time - will that satisfy you? Will it satisfy me? I don't know Lord, but lets try it okay? Auugghhh, you really take the spirit out of Christmas. How am I going to have fun now?