"... I will bring him near and he will come close to me,
for who is he who will devotehimself
to be close to me?"
declares the Lord.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Dreaming Of Camping
It's around this time of year that I really start to miss the camping season. Winter now looses whatever ounce of appeal it started out with way back in November (sshhhh! I know.). It doesn't matter what the groundhog predicts, winter will last through March. And then we have to endure month long periods of wind and rain. Finally, in May, we can enjoy the consistent warmth of better months.
Aahhhhhh, May. It's so freakin' far away.
In our desperation for the camping season to begin, we traveled over to Hanover today to tour through some camping trailer's - just for fun. And wouldn't you know it - a blizzard blew through the closer we got to the dealership! My toes were freezing - my kneecaps shook - we drug snow in with us as we toured the trailer's! Camping season seems light years away. But we booked our annual Memorial Weekend Camping Trip already. You have to book those sites now, in January, because many campgrounds get full early on - and this year we need around 8 campsites together.
Yes, the groundhog will soon be pulled from it's whatever. What does it come out of? A log? A hole in the ground? A groundhog house? I heard the PETA people want the groundhog replaced with a robotic groundhog. This might not be a bad idea. We could program it to predict the end of winter sooner. Maybe God will listen better to a robotic groundhog.
Three things are guaranteed: winter won't end tonight, we will not be getting a travel trailer, and smorgasborg restaurants are wasted on a girl like me.
Aahhhhhh, May. It's so freakin' far away.
In our desperation for the camping season to begin, we traveled over to Hanover today to tour through some camping trailer's - just for fun. And wouldn't you know it - a blizzard blew through the closer we got to the dealership! My toes were freezing - my kneecaps shook - we drug snow in with us as we toured the trailer's! Camping season seems light years away. But we booked our annual Memorial Weekend Camping Trip already. You have to book those sites now, in January, because many campgrounds get full early on - and this year we need around 8 campsites together.
Yes, the groundhog will soon be pulled from it's whatever. What does it come out of? A log? A hole in the ground? A groundhog house? I heard the PETA people want the groundhog replaced with a robotic groundhog. This might not be a bad idea. We could program it to predict the end of winter sooner. Maybe God will listen better to a robotic groundhog.
Three things are guaranteed: winter won't end tonight, we will not be getting a travel trailer, and smorgasborg restaurants are wasted on a girl like me.
Cold Hearted
I had to ask myself tonight - am I cold hearted? I’m reading blog posts on adoptions and the comments that follow (great posts - from Flamingo), how not to get caught up in the emotion of seeing helpless children, how it’s not wise to adopt to “rescue”, but to adopt because you want to parent another child. I don’t even want to adopt to rescue, I don’t want to adopt at all. I don’t even want to see the news footage of the Haitian orphans.
It seems like everyone is caught up in compassion towards the people of Haiti - everyone but me and the doctor. And maybe I’m desensitized from all his rantings on the Haiti topic. Maybe it’s because I haven’t watched the news footage and seen how awful it is down there. Maybe I don’t want to watch people being pulled out of tight spots because I am claustrophobic. The news footage that I did see was of a man who was stuck in a small space under a collapsed building for days, surviving on cookies and beer. It made my stomach twist to see how closed in he was, no sunlight, no fresh air. I had to turn away. I had a bad dream that night. It wasn’t because I felt sorry for him and so many who didn’t make it out - these people aren’t real to me. I don’t want them to be real. I’ve closed my heart off to them. Because I can’t help make their pain go away. I can’t bring their loved ones back. My compassion, sorrow, and sympathies won’t make their life better.
I used to beg God to let me shoulder some of the pain my loved ones were undergoing. If I could feel intense pain for their situation, then maybe they wouldn’t hurt so much.
I started to have shoulder and neck pain a couple years ago. I’d get headaches from it. I was trying to feel what my friend was feeling. I was trying to take some of her grief away. If only I could shoulder it for a while. My neck and shoulder pain intensified after one girl’s weekend get-away from hell. I decided to give the chiropractor a chance. After a couple of months of undergoing mid-evil torture several times a week, my pain issues finally dissipated. But in that time, God illuminated an obvious flaw in my theory. I am not God! I can’t take people’s pain away, no matter how bad I feel. What he’s doing in their lives is something that is far better than what I ever could if I had the power. . I finally realized how controlling I was. I wanted to shift God’s power into my capable hands. Because I didn’t trust him. And he was a slow worker.
I’ve gotten much better at handing over my loved ones pain. I still hurt for and with them. Boy, do I hurt at times. But I'm trusting more and more that God will not stop pursuing them, that he will take care of them, that in time, they will draw close to him and find the comfort that he can bring.
What about these Haitians? I don’t know. I’m glad I don’t live there. But I also realize that craziness is happening in the world, and it will only get worse. And it will hit closer to home eventually. I know I need to feel compassion toward these people and people like them all over the world. I’m sure I have the potential to feel compassion towards them. Someday I need to go to them, to experience them and their way of life. Then they will be real to me.
I have been focused on what is right in front of me - how can I best reach the people that I come into contact everyday. How can I be God’s love to them? And I am struggling to teach my monkey’s God’s word and the way he wants us to live. I am trying to support my hubby in this stressful time for him, and my brother.
But I know I can do more. There are so many opportunities to reach outside my own family and workplace. I feel God’s tug at my heart. His invitation. Maybe I can’t go to Cuba right now (that's where I want to go someday), but there are ways to reach these kinds of people.
I just need to open my heart and obey in what ever way God has in mind - no matter how big or small.
But …
… sometimes, when I’m caught up in my own survival, it’s hard to think about somebody else’s.
That's the plain truth of it. And it's ugly.
It seems like everyone is caught up in compassion towards the people of Haiti - everyone but me and the doctor. And maybe I’m desensitized from all his rantings on the Haiti topic. Maybe it’s because I haven’t watched the news footage and seen how awful it is down there. Maybe I don’t want to watch people being pulled out of tight spots because I am claustrophobic. The news footage that I did see was of a man who was stuck in a small space under a collapsed building for days, surviving on cookies and beer. It made my stomach twist to see how closed in he was, no sunlight, no fresh air. I had to turn away. I had a bad dream that night. It wasn’t because I felt sorry for him and so many who didn’t make it out - these people aren’t real to me. I don’t want them to be real. I’ve closed my heart off to them. Because I can’t help make their pain go away. I can’t bring their loved ones back. My compassion, sorrow, and sympathies won’t make their life better.
I used to beg God to let me shoulder some of the pain my loved ones were undergoing. If I could feel intense pain for their situation, then maybe they wouldn’t hurt so much.
I started to have shoulder and neck pain a couple years ago. I’d get headaches from it. I was trying to feel what my friend was feeling. I was trying to take some of her grief away. If only I could shoulder it for a while. My neck and shoulder pain intensified after one girl’s weekend get-away from hell. I decided to give the chiropractor a chance. After a couple of months of undergoing mid-evil torture several times a week, my pain issues finally dissipated. But in that time, God illuminated an obvious flaw in my theory. I am not God! I can’t take people’s pain away, no matter how bad I feel. What he’s doing in their lives is something that is far better than what I ever could if I had the power. . I finally realized how controlling I was. I wanted to shift God’s power into my capable hands. Because I didn’t trust him. And he was a slow worker.
I’ve gotten much better at handing over my loved ones pain. I still hurt for and with them. Boy, do I hurt at times. But I'm trusting more and more that God will not stop pursuing them, that he will take care of them, that in time, they will draw close to him and find the comfort that he can bring.
What about these Haitians? I don’t know. I’m glad I don’t live there. But I also realize that craziness is happening in the world, and it will only get worse. And it will hit closer to home eventually. I know I need to feel compassion toward these people and people like them all over the world. I’m sure I have the potential to feel compassion towards them. Someday I need to go to them, to experience them and their way of life. Then they will be real to me.
I have been focused on what is right in front of me - how can I best reach the people that I come into contact everyday. How can I be God’s love to them? And I am struggling to teach my monkey’s God’s word and the way he wants us to live. I am trying to support my hubby in this stressful time for him, and my brother.
But I know I can do more. There are so many opportunities to reach outside my own family and workplace. I feel God’s tug at my heart. His invitation. Maybe I can’t go to Cuba right now (that's where I want to go someday), but there are ways to reach these kinds of people.
I just need to open my heart and obey in what ever way God has in mind - no matter how big or small.
But …
… sometimes, when I’m caught up in my own survival, it’s hard to think about somebody else’s.
That's the plain truth of it. And it's ugly.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Why I Love My Job
Yes, my job can be hectic, stressful, and many times I end up feeling completely stupid. However, I still love my job. And who's job isn't at times hectic and stressful? Being a stay-at-home mom sure wasn't easy!
At least with this job, people thank me and smile. I even got a hug today. One time, somebody told me I was pretty. Another time, somebody said I had thick hair (friends, I love it when people think I have thick hair! Because I really don't - just ask Sista D!). I have men flirting with me (this is amusing) and old people telling me their stories. I love to hear their stories. We have druggies looking for narcotic refills, we have people trying to get on disability (who certainly don't need to be on disability), we have the rich people of York, we have some poor ones as well. And everybody has known my doctor for a very long time - like they're the only patient who knows the doctor so well. They come to be entertained by him - you never know what craziness is going to come out of his mouth, or what he'll pull out of his lab coat (today he pulled out a zip-lock bag of hair - one of his patient's).
My doctor is very dramatic at times. He is very opinionated and many times, when he gets on a political rant, I and the patient will get depressed! He tells jokes, bad jokes which I have to hear time after time to each patient. He's flamboyant, he loves to talk, he takes his time.
I love my job. Because it entertains me. Because I get to make people more comfortable. I spoil them a bit, which is easy to do - helping them with their socks and shoes, putting lotion on their feet, smiling at them, listening to them - this is all it takes! I love my job because the patients are so entertaining. Because the doctor is so entertaining. And because the people I work with are so fun. I get to learn about anatomy and physiology again (pertaining to the feet mostly). I am learning a trade.
Besides, what else am I going to do during the day? Laundry? Cleaning? Organizing? No thanks. I'm done with that (okay, I'm done with that until the weekend arrives).
At least with this job, people thank me and smile. I even got a hug today. One time, somebody told me I was pretty. Another time, somebody said I had thick hair (friends, I love it when people think I have thick hair! Because I really don't - just ask Sista D!). I have men flirting with me (this is amusing) and old people telling me their stories. I love to hear their stories. We have druggies looking for narcotic refills, we have people trying to get on disability (who certainly don't need to be on disability), we have the rich people of York, we have some poor ones as well. And everybody has known my doctor for a very long time - like they're the only patient who knows the doctor so well. They come to be entertained by him - you never know what craziness is going to come out of his mouth, or what he'll pull out of his lab coat (today he pulled out a zip-lock bag of hair - one of his patient's).
My doctor is very dramatic at times. He is very opinionated and many times, when he gets on a political rant, I and the patient will get depressed! He tells jokes, bad jokes which I have to hear time after time to each patient. He's flamboyant, he loves to talk, he takes his time.
I love my job. Because it entertains me. Because I get to make people more comfortable. I spoil them a bit, which is easy to do - helping them with their socks and shoes, putting lotion on their feet, smiling at them, listening to them - this is all it takes! I love my job because the patients are so entertaining. Because the doctor is so entertaining. And because the people I work with are so fun. I get to learn about anatomy and physiology again (pertaining to the feet mostly). I am learning a trade.
Besides, what else am I going to do during the day? Laundry? Cleaning? Organizing? No thanks. I'm done with that (okay, I'm done with that until the weekend arrives).
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Twisted Crazy Talk Tuesday - Edition 2
ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ
As boys call Dad, Emily fills gastank haphazardly, jeopardizing Kansas, largely metropolises, needing overtime police quickly- rescuing stupid tourists under very wobbly Xmas yulelogs. Z?
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Waiting For The Dog To Die
I'd like to think it's soon - she is going on eleven this coming summer. But I've been told (the informant getting evil satisfaction in doing so) that small dogs tend to live long. Snap! (That's what my kids would say). I haven't taken her to her yearly November physical for the past two Novembers. I haven't taken her to her hair dresser in a very long time. In fact, Hubby felt some compassion toward her one day and cut her hair all by himself (he's the only one who likes her). I've avoided getting her registered or licensed (don't turn me in please) because I keep hoping, in the off chance that the heart worm would invade, that she won't last much longer. But the last time I took her to her yearly, the doctor announced the dog had strong lungs and heart. I had to do some acting folks, but I convincingly smiled relief. I have to admit though, her bad breath has gotten better. I guess that's because she only has 3 teeth left.
Yes, I'm ready for a new comforter. Once I get a new comforter, I can paint my bedroom. Once I paint my bedroom, I can paint my bathroom. Once I paint my bathroom, well, maybe I'll finally buy cool lighting and cabinets. Oh, yes - I have dreams.
And it all begins when the dog dies.
Yes, I'm ready for a new comforter. Once I get a new comforter, I can paint my bedroom. Once I paint my bedroom, I can paint my bathroom. Once I paint my bathroom, well, maybe I'll finally buy cool lighting and cabinets. Oh, yes - I have dreams.
And it all begins when the dog dies.
Last January
One evening, about a year ago, we had an ice storm. Do you remember that? Ice coated the branches, the wind slammed the ice into our siding and onto our roof, it was a loud night. And also kind of eery. I sat down on my bed that night and wrote. What came out on paper was a mixture of emotions from different sources of stress. I look back on what I wrote now and I see that God was there with me in writing it. He was preparing my heart for the tough year that we were just entering. I had no idea what was coming. The fear that I wrote of in that paragraph was over what we were experiencing then, the uncertainty of financial security and all that entails. But it also spoke of a generalized fear. A fear of uncertain times for us as believers. Maybe it's on the dramatic side, but you should have heard what I heard that night (we live in the woods friends)! And it was the beginning of the year, a very uncertain time for us as a family.
Click HERE to read it.
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