Writing Me To Sleep

Once again I find myself awake at a time that I'd love to be sleeping. But that's not to be & I'm left waiting for my tylenol PM to kick in. So lucky you. I'm going to try writing myself to sleep. Most times I just tell myself a little story. Which never works. I love stories too much and I get more than one going at a time, which confuses a simple mind like mine. And I'm left more awake than ever. I decided to take a different course of action this time (which happens to be 1:25 am). I have no topic to write about - aren't you lucky? Now you can experience a bit of my meanderings.

Meanderings meandersings. Where does that lead me to next? Hmmmmm, I'm thinking of goose, of geese. Don't ask how I got there. But lets go with it. I once touched a geese like bird before at Kawanis Lake. It didn't like that. It came after me and made a funny noise. I think it was just showing off in front of it's friends. My brother once fell into Kawanis Lake. And then my mom jumped in after to save him.

Now he's all grown up with a family. He has a smart funny wife and 3 beautiful kids. And I get to visit with him now that he's in from Indiana for a couple days.

Indiana. Sorry Luke, but that is one very flat drive.

Flat. Okay let's not go there.

The beach. That's where I want to be. How awesome would it be if me and my hubby could have 2 weeks in Hawaii? Alone. Hey, let me dream okay? I'm trying to fall asleep! I've never been to Hawaii. The closest thing I've been to like that was the Bahamas for our honeymoon. And all I wanted to be in was Chincoteague! I know - that's just stupid. I deserve, I mean we deserve, a honeymoon NOW more than we did then! I mean, what did we ever do to earn time alone together? What did we go thru that needed time away for just us two? It's been just about 10 years now (I know, for my more seasoned readers, 10 years is nothin') and I'm about ready to throw a fit! A tantrum like a two year old! I WANT A VACATION ALONE WITH MY MAN FOR TWO WEEKS AND I WANT IT NOW!! AAhhhh, but that's not to be. I couldn't even get a camping weekend in October with my hubby due to natural interference (rain).

Was this writing myself to sleep supposed to get me depressed? Are you getting depressed? I sure hope not. How can I end this on a more positive note? Heaven. Oh, no not heaven. That'll lead me to what I must go throught to get there. Then that'll lead me to thoughts on my funeral. Which I have all planned out. Including music. All I need to do is put together a little picture movie of myself during my lifetime (this is not weird, don't you think that! I've got friends who are further along in this process than I am! Perfectly heathly friends, although a nutty) . I want people to bawl their eyes out. And laugh. And no wake. Do you hear that mom? Tell my man that he is not to lay my dead body out for all to look upon. And I want the flowers before I die not after.

Oh man - I've got to wake up to go to church in a couple of hours. This writing myself to sleep experiment is failing. And now I'm depressed! And stressed because I've just got to make it to church this week!

Christmas is not all fun and games, joy and merriment. For so many of us it may have a tinge of pain to it, in varying degrees. My thoughts have been with my loved ones who are struggling with heartache during this season and beyond. Please take comfort in Deb's blog post for today, 12/26, called homesick (http://discoversacredspace.blogspot.com).

Mary's Song

A week or so ago, I read this poem from Deb's blog (http://discoversacredspace.blogspot.com) by Luci Shaw. It is so beautiful, so I thought I'd post it here for you. Deb said to read over it it slowly to yourself, and then out loud. Pay attention to the words or phrases that move you, and maybe spend some time journaling your thoughts and feelings.

Blue homespun and the bend of my breast

keep warm this small hot naked star

fallen to my arms.

(Rest ...you who have had so far to come.)

Now nearness satisfies

the body of God sweetly.

Quiet he lies whose vigor hurled a universe.

He sleeps whose eyelids have not closed before.

His breath (so slight it seems no breath at all)

once ruffled the dark deeps

to sprout a world.

Charmed by doves' voices,

the whisper of straw, he dreams,

hearing no music from his other spheres.

Breath, mouth, ears, eyes

he is curtailed who overflowed all skies,

all years.

Older than eternity, now he is new.

Now native to earth as I am,

nailed to my poor planet,

caught that I might be free,

blind in my womb to know my darkness ended,

brought to this birth for me to be new-born,

and for him to see me mended

I must see him torn.

Luci Shaw

Ahhh, What The Heck

I've decided to keep this new background for now - I've spent too long last night in trying to change it. I don't want to have to go thru that anytime soon. But I like the idea of changing it every couple of months. And anyway, Flamingo said this was super cute - and I have to agree with her! Hopefully you won't miss Eloise too much friends, I know I didn't give you anytime to say goodbye to her. I apologize for the shock.

The Cow Had To Go

You know it as well as I - the cow had to go. I'm in the middle of trying to decide which new look I like. This will take a while I think because I'm an indecisive girl. I need to explore all my options and try them on as well. Bare with me.

Stiff Necked & Stubborn

I am beginning to realize that when I don't get my quiet time in with the Lord, not only do I miss out on any peace & rest he has to offer, and I get more agitated more easily, and I hold on to my need to control more tightly, but I also can't write! My mind becomes almost numb, I lose any kind of creative motivation, I become lazy, negative talk invades more easily, and it's easier to read what other people write than to just plain write myself. I almost posted a funny piece on flushing my money down the drain, literally. Who can claim that they flushed money down the toilet? I was even going to post a picture of the toilet (I'd clean it 1st), but then I thought that would kind of ruin my attempt at prettying up my blog with those Christmas pictures. It was a funny story though.

But today I finally bowed my head before my Maker & continued to read in Acts. Auggghhh. I should have skipped to the next chapter. In the part that I was reading, the newly established Church was selling their personal property (like land & homes & stuff), and giving the money to those who needed it. They felt no entitlement, no connection to their money & assets. They gave so freely & joyfully. This hit home hard. I am so far from that attitude right now! And isn't that really really bad due to the time of year that we're in? And I'm actually trying to teach my kids to be giving! I'm telling them that there are kids who don't have much, that we are so fortunate in what we have. I have been so frustrated with their attitude lately. And all along my Maker is looking lovingly at me, waiting for me to wake up & realize that my attitude is the same - I'm giving them no example! How can I expect them to give with a joyful spirit when they don't see me doing that? They are just little kids who live in their very small worlds where they don't see other people needing things, struggling to survive. I don't have the same excuse. So yes Lord, I see your point. And to tell you the truth, I'm struggling to do right here. It's my money, I need it! Okay, I'll give just a little. But 1st I need to get some clothes - I need clothes Lord!

See what He's working with here folks? Lord, I think you need to move on to a new lesson. This one's too tough. Can't you change my hubby in this area 1st? It'd be much easier for me. And that's what it's all about right? Me?

Thanks for being my spiritual journal today friends. I needed to get that out - now I can go pick up Noel & shop using our Christmas money. I don't want to hear it Lord! I'll throw some money in the pot this time - will that satisfy you? Will it satisfy me? I don't know Lord, but lets try it okay? Auugghhh, you really take the spirit out of Christmas. How am I going to have fun now?

Just A Little Prettiness