A White Winter?

I've heard tell, (the podiatry office is a great source of information), that winter snow amounts are being estimated between 30 - 60 inches total this coming season.  And based on our results so far, (it not even being winter yet), I'd have to say there's a good chance of this prediction being true.  However, it seems like many years since we've had a good blizzard.  And with global warming and all, maybe this is our last snow storm?  I've tried to pay attention to the catepillar's fur (level of thickness depicts level of winter snow), but those things are just too fast and get away before I can look close enough.

We began our day yesterday with a trip to the Mcphereson's tree farm.  It snowed/rained while we attempted to find that perfectly shaped, full - yet not too full, non holey, non dead pine needle Christmas tree.  The kids wanted a huge tree.  I wanted a Charlie Brown pine.  But I never get my way.  And once again our tree looks half naked because I'm too cheap to buy new ornaments and I'm too fearful to go into crowed post holiday stores to buy cheap ornaments.  Most of our ornaments are kid created & kid hung, which drives the beauty & design loving side of me crazy.  The sentimental side of me tries to convince the other side that it's okay, breath, these are lovely, and hey, they're cheap. 

I told Little Miss to make sure she doesn't hang all the ornaments on the bottom of the tree (she has this nasty habit), and what did she do?  She covered the bottom and then covered the top, at least as far up as she could reach.  Because we have a 95 ft. tree.  Okay, maybe I exaggerate.  I needed a glass of wine.  So what if it was only 1 o'clock in the afternoon?  It was snowing beautifully, we were decorating and celebrating, (or trying to), and a glass of wine would compliment the spirit quite wonderfully. 

After the 4th glass of wine, the spirit finally hit.  (Oh please, I'm just kidding - I only had one glass I swear, only I don't swear because I'm being blogger friendly). 

I'm a conflicted schizophrenic.  I don't want to be in the holiday mood.  I don't want to love our redneck neighbors' Christmas displays.  I don't want to want to decorate our own house for Christmas.  Why ever not?  You might ask.  I guess part of me doesn't want to enjoy this awesome time of year because not everyone is here with us.  Not everyone can celebrate with us this year.  And I just want to fast-forward to May.  Except I don't.  Because then, as each holiday and milestone passes again, I won't be able to keep from my mind the memory of the 1st year, the 1st year without her, and where I was, and how I delt with the grief.  Christmas and the week after will be desolate.  My side of the family are going to be elsewhere.  Except for Mom & Dad.  The Christmas traditions have ended.  Or at least been put on hold.  And they won't be the same if we should decide to start them up again.  The empty chair is obvious.  Except it's not just one, it's most of the chairs.  I'm not sure if it would have been more comforting if we did things like we've done in the past.  It probably would hurt even more.  Who knows?  We've not gone through this situation before. 

But I can't help but love the lights, the yard decor, even the holiday music (which I now listen to all the hours I work).  Hubby, uncharacteristically, decided to put up icecycle lights on our house this year!  And my house looks very festive with all my decorations out.  I still love this season.  It hurts to get Christmas cards in the mail - I don't know why this is.  I'll chalk it up to my schizophrenia.  But my house looks nice, the snow is beautiful, and things are "looking up".